Sunday 11 November 2018

"Calvary In China"


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Thursday 29 March 2018

Amber






Once upon a time we shared our house with three cats and two rescued dogs: Meg, a black Labrador and Millie,, a cross, it seemed, between a collie and an Alsatian. Meg came first, after our house had been burgled. At least, we though, her bark will be a deterrent to speculative callers. Then, and as we were both out at work, we began to feel sorry Meg, abandoned for a large portion of the day; so along came Millie to keep her company, And lest I forget to mention it, having got Meg for her barking prowess, we discovered that besides her gentle nature, she didn't bark, (possibly the result of some cruel treatment in the past). So we had to teach her that, responsible barking, was OK.

Now we have Amber, a Cockapoo puppy, and as we have never had a puppy before, metaphorically speaking, we have started with a clean slate. She came to us at 11 weeks, and remarkably for one so young, in her first two weeks, she blogged on Facebook, and only gave up when I told her that I wanted my computer back, and as a consolation, promised that I would share her blogs with you. The first two, written by me, set the scene, with the rest are all her own work, even though they are published on Facebook under the long standing caption, CORMAC SAYS. So here they are in order of publication, and together, we hope you enjoy them.



CORMAC SAYS: Not sure that you will see my masterful photo of Barcelona. Just now my computer fails to recognise the mice: either wired or wire less, though the relevant port will accept a memory stick that I can open etc. The said, when I insert either mouse, nothing happens, and there are no mice showing under hardware. Tried all the clever things myself to no avail, so I am waiting for a call from a trusted expert, and meantime have to rely on the touchpad.
The moral of the story is, I shouldn't have gone to Barcelona.
And amid all my troubles I forgot to mention that Amber is resting, but not before she did a wee in the kitchen. However all the signs are good, and we will be working to a specific training program from tomorrow.
Never got to see Ken Dodd, even when we were living on Merseyside, a great shame.



CORMAC SAYS: Well, the mouse man has been and everything and more has been put to rights. When we started up the computer it began with an update, and lo and behold, when the update was completed there was the mouse gallivanting to order. It seems that the chaos was caused by a previous update and not as I feared from my attempt to upload photos from Barcelona from the digital camera that Lynsey gave me. And just like the mouse, all my pictures of Barcelona are uploaded and shining brightly, so you will see them at some point in the future.
I can't say when, because just now, and for the past four days, I have been very busy trying to think like a dog. and possibly because I have only two legs, I am not very good at it. But if Amber is to come up to the McCloskey standards, of social etiquette, then we have to be vigilant, ALL TH TIME, Firstly, to prevent mishaps, and secondly to add gentle correction when a mishap occurs. If a puppy has done a piddle, and Amber has done several of them in the wrong place, you have to correct them at the time, because puppies heads are so full of exciting new things to do, that they live for now. So talking to her about piddles, thirty seconds later, is thirty seconds too late!
All of that said, she is doing well in the designated part of the garden for numbers 1 and 2, but more than that, she gets me out on false pretences because there are so many exciting things to do there: chew the vine, chase after insects, and leaves blowing in the wind, and listen full of longing to birdsong. And the distant barking of OTHER DOGS!. All of that said, she has a confident gentle nature and is learning to accept time out in the cage, I have of course sympathised with her, explaining as I put her in, that if someone tried to put me in a cage I too would complain.
Now just in case you are getting the wrong idea, Amber is our dog, so you could say that Jenny and I have a fifty fifty stake in her. But it would not be a good idea to try to determine which end belongs to whom. I seem to spend a lot of time watching the back end, not because Jenny is not interested, but she has been out-and-about on important business, so, she gets to play with her, feed her from time to time, and do doggy talk.
Now on a few occasions I have left the kitchen for a few moments only to find her standing waiting for me when I came back: standing beside a lake. It happened this evening: she was tucking in to her dinner so I thought that would be a good time to slip out to the bathroom, and when I came back there she was, waiting by yet another lake. Of course she had to finish her dinner, while I mopped up.
That said, her progress in four days has been remarkable, and now she is keen to follow me around the house. And just now, for the first time, and as a test drive, she has followed me in to the study and is sitting on a cosy mat by the taller of my bookcases,
Now, that I have almost made the garden secure, my deepest concern is to know for how much longer I will have to go on thinking like a dog!. Oh! and by the way, no one told her that two legged dogs have to put on their multi-layered coats when they hop out of bed in the morning. At that Amber hops out of her bed only to be told to hop back in again. Then, with one leg in my trousers she hops out again, and so on with each item of clothing, and she treats a pair of socks as equal to two hops! Which is confirmation that puppies really do live for the moment.
Having had laser treatment on her eye, Jenny is off the road for a week, so from here on in she will take some of the strain, and I, when I get some doggy down time, will put up some photos of Amber, and of Barcelona.
__________
© Cormac E McCloskey



CORMAC SAYS: Hi folks! Cormac hasn't discovered that I am a dab hand at the keyboard, so I have to be quick in case he finds out. He is asleep on the mat at the moment and I am up in the chair. And guess what: Last night in bed I felt a tinkle coming on and got up straight away. But as I had never opened a door before,I had to make a noise, and that got Old Two Paws hopping out of bed, and there we were out on the patio in the wind and the rain, and him in his jam-jams. But it was worth it, because I did my tinkle. Ever since, I had been trying to work out why he felt so sleepy, as I was up for jumping about, that is, until I heard him telling Lady Two Paws, that I did my tinkle at 3 in the morning.
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© Cormac E McCloskey


CORMAC SATS: Hi all! me pawing the keyboard again. I was going to tell you a funny story while Old Two Paws is not about. But it has all gone a bit quiet here, so I am going to keep a low profile: BIG! mistake indoors, despite all the good things I did out of doors in the snow. Old Two Paws, scratching his head and talking to Lady Two Paws said something about RE SETTING THE CLOCK! whatever than means. So I think I had better keep my head down.
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© Cormac E McCloskey



CORMAC SAYS: Hi! it's me again. I think I am beginning to like Old Two Paws, because after I made my BIG mistake yesterday, he talked to Lady Two Paws about resetting the clock. But as far as I can see, the clock is still in the same place today as it was yesterday. Maybe, that's because after my BIG mistake, we had a good day. I left bagfuls and tinkles at the top of the garden.
And another reason for liking Old Two Paws was his kindness when it was time for bed. He could see that I was restless and just not ready for sleep, so together we went out to the patio, and when he saw me drinking snow he knew immediately what was wrong. AND EVEN THOUGH THE MAN IN THE BOOK SAYS NO DRINKS AFTER 9 pm, (and it was 11 O'Clock!) we came back in and he allowed me a few sips. Well after that, settling down for the night was easy; and I was so grateful, that when he was snoring,I crept out of bed and left a little tinkle - just to say thank you!
__________
© Cormac E McCloskey


CORMAC SAYS: Hi! So pleased that Lady and Old Two Paws went to see La Traviata last night: It's all about love and forgiveness, which is just what I need at the moment. Amber
© Cormac E McCloskey


CORMAC SAYS: When I am in my cage there is no talking, so I lie down and pretend to be asleep. But as soon as Old Two Paws leaves the kitchen, there I am, ready for his return: sitting bolt upright and looking for all the world like a Mea Cat, (the way you see them on telly,) even though I’m a COCKAPOO!” Then as soon as Old Two Paws comes back and sits down at the table with his book, and facing me, I lie down. I haven’t seen a book with paws before, and I can’t help wondering if it's all about me! It’s paws are yellow, red, green, purple and crimson. Of course as a dog I’m not supposed to know this, but as a COCKAPOO! I have extra sensory perception. And what’s more, the book has a lovely golden colour around the edges. Yesterday, I heard OTP telling LTP and Leo Two Paws, that he didn’t know if dogs get a mention in his special book. Apparently, lions, rabbits, sheep, goats and even the Stork get a look-in. So I suppose I will have to wait to find out if a “gorgeous!" dog like me is in there. AND SOME BIG NEWS: I am going for my first walk, TODAY!
__________
© Cormac E McCloskey



CORMAC SAYS: Now when Old Two Paws was busy, I managed to get my pads on the book that I was telling you about yesterday. There was no mention of COCKAPOOS in the Index, which was a big disappointment, because again, as I said yesterday, I had hoped that the book was all about me. But I have just heard Old Two Paws say that, one of the reasons why I spend time in the cage is because it is NOT all about me. So quite literally I had to shake that idea out of my system. But in the short time that I had, I did find some interesting stuff about other animals, and it seems as if they are having as nearly a good a time as me: For a start, I had no idea that other animals come out at night when I am going to bed, and just when I am at my most dynamic, they are going home to bed. I think it might have something to do with sharing? I was in such a hurry, that I can hardly read my own writing, but, listen to this:
“YOU made the moon to mark the months;
the sun knows the time for its setting.
When you spread the darkness it is night
and all the beasts of the forests creep forth.
The young lion’s roar for their prey
and ask for their food from God.”
Well it all seems like a very clever balancing act to me, for when the sun comes up, those who have been out and about all night, go home to bed, and all the sleepy-eyed: the two paws, four paws, and all kinds of creepy-crawlies come out to play.
Now I must be quick, because I think I can hear Old Two Paws, and almost certainly he is coming back. But I can’t go without telling you of my big adventure: MY FIRST WALK’
As the road was very busy and the footpath very narrow, Old Two Paws carried me along the road as far as the charity shop, and when putting me down, he explained, that we were going to walk in a quiet place. At first he had to encourage me, for I couldn’t help looking back to make sure that those noisy passing cars were not coming down our road. And when one or two did, Old Two Paws was very good, telling me not to worry and stroking my back. And as we passed some houses, he had to explain that I could not go there: to those lovely grassy areas that belonged to other dogs. As it was my first time, we didn’t go too far; and I was a lot happier walking home; and Old Two Paws was delighted when I left a little trickle headed toward the edge of the pavement. So I explained that I just thought that I would let the other dogs know that I had been out and about.
For the last little bit of the journey, Old Two Paws carried me home, and it was just as well, for on the way I met a dog TWENTY TIMES as big as me. So Old Two Paws explained to the lady with the big dog, that I was out on my first walk, and she was pleased and impressed: impressed, that even though my paws were off the ground, I was still wagging my tail.
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© Cormac E McCloskey


CORMAC SAYS: Hi! Amber here. The day before yesterday, I think it was a Wednesday, Lady Two Paws brought a box into the Garden Room, put it on the floor and told Old Two Paws to stand on it. Old Two Paws was a bit unsteady, not because he is old, but because Lady Two Paws was looking very carefully at the box.
“You’ll have to get off” she said, “It isn’t working.”
So Old Two Paws got off and on again, and off again, until Lady Two Paws said that everything was OK! Well I thought it was a very strange game for the Two Paws to be playing until Old Two Paws picked me up and stood on the box AGAIN! Well, to cut a long story short, I weigh 1 stone, and that’s equal to 14 1 pound bags of sugar, and Old Two Paws tells me that most people have absolutely no idea what 14 1 pound bags of sugar look like. And Lady Two Paws said that if they had kept every sachet of sugar that they got in hotels, restaurants, and cafes, in Barcelona, and had sold them on eBay, it would have paid for the holiday. But that’s only the half of it.
In the afternoon, all three of us went out into the garden and my retractable lead was tied to a door handle; and I just couldn’t believe it when Lady Two Paws started digging with a little silver spade, and Old Two Paws, a little further away with a very dirty sinister looking spade, that was almost as high as me. “Why?” I asked myself , “am I tied to a doer handle when my expertise is in digging?” You should see the digging that I have done at the top of the garden. Certainly Old Two Paws is impressed, and remarked as to how my front paws,working like pistons, can fling the soil as far back as my head is forward. and beyond. Well of course there was nothing I could do but help, and that’s the beauty of a retractable lead, even when it is tied to a door handle..
“No! No! Go Away Amber!” shouted Lady Two Paws, who got even more excited and called to Old Two Paws that I was chewing the laminated plant labels. And though I felt sorry for Old Two Paws when he got up from his knees to sort me out, (he was planting Nadinia domestica *obsessed,”} before he knew what had happened, I grabbed and dashed off with the air bag on which he was kneeling. - It was s such a busy and enjoyable afternoon.
Now here’s a thing. This afternoon I am meeting Rosie. She is coming to the house and like me she is a COCKAPOO, and it is going to be very interesting. She lives in a very posh house with open plan and wall-to-wall creamy-coloured carpet throughout. Well! I’m sure you can imagine it: girls together, and there will be no stopping us when it comes to talking! and laughing! about tinkles and BIG mistakes!
And a last thought.
At the top of the garden this morning, when I had done everything that was expected of me and I was sitting chewing on a twig, Old Two Paws was standing watching, and though I kept chewing, and said nothing, I saw a poetic though pass underneath his hat:
“If it has done a poo, it deserves a chew!”
__________
© Cormac E McCloskey


CORMAC SAYS: If you have been reading my blogs you will know that I am full of myself. And here’s why. And it’s not me talking, but the man in the book. Oh, and so as to get to what truly matters, I am skipping the bit about my appearance. I am, of course, beautiful, but more importantly, I am an intellectual dog. Here’s what the man says.
I am so intelligent that I can’t be expected to “just hang around.” In fact, he goes even farther, and says that I am “scary smart,” And I am so finely tuned that I am therapeutic: When you cry I will will be there to console you, and when you are busy, on the computer, or wherever, I will be there keeping you company. So if I am prepared to look after you, you must be prepared to look after me. I like puzzles, chewing, (he recommends the “strongest synthetic bones possible.” And coming back to the intelligence thing; he says that if you don’t cater for my needs, I will do it myself. I will come up, he says, with “highly inventive and usually destructive ways to keep myself entertained.” That’s the stick. But here’s the carrot: If you come up to scratch, “you will be hard pressed to find anyone more friendly than me.”
Old Two Paws says, that you shouldn’t be deceived by appearances, and reminds me, that on more than one occasion I have“lead him up the garden path!” And, that sometimes I only hear what I want to hear, which is why he now wears thick rubber gloves to protect his hands; and even then, I still don’t listen. But I do love Old Two Paws and Lady Two Paws.
You should have seen Old Two Paws face when Lady Two Paws opened a parcel from Pets In Paradise. When he saw the new mat on the floor, Old Two Paws at first, saw a bone, a heart, some funny writing and a pair of hands. But, when he got himself sorted and looked at it again, what he saw was;: “I Love Muddy Paws.” And the mat that she bought for my cage, is so luxurious, that he said he wouldn’t mind sleeping on it himself.
That’s what I like about Lady Two Paws. Like me, she knows that money is for spending. Not like Old Two Paws, who, finding two £10 notes in his back pocket, had absolutely no idea how they got there. That prompted Lady Two Paws to say gleefully: “They must be mine!” That brought a wry smile to Old Two Paws Face; as he slipped the two £10 notes back where they came from.
And I never met Rosie, my half-sister, after all. Apparently while playing with other dogs in the park, she gave a “yelp!” and seems to have pulled a muscle. So Sue thought it best to let her rest at home. Although I didn’t say anything to Sue about it, I am worried that the pair might be accident prone, because a week or so ago, when Rosie out walking got a fright, she ran in front of Sue and Sue fell - on top of Rosie.
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© Cormac E McCloskey
COCKAPOOS
by Alan Kenworthy
ISBN: 978-0-9927843-8-6



CORMAC SAYS: When we go out into the garden, the bell, which I am supposed to ring when I need the bathroom, alerts the birds to the fact that I am on my way. Usually, it’s a poo followed by breakfast. I eat so much and then let Old Two Paws know that I would like a drink. That’s not what’s supposed to happen, because the man in the book says, that any uneaten food should be taken away after 20 or so minutes, and that I should not be given water until some twenty minutes after that.
Now I think the man in the book must have confused himself, and thought he was writing for old decrepit dogs.
As for the water, and on the principle that what goes in must come out. if I drink a large amount of water in one go, the man in the book says that it will be a lot a easier to anticipate when it might be coming out. Well, truth be told, Old Two Paws and Lady Two Paws are still working on that one.
After breakfast, and a short rest, (you can’t run on a full tummy,) I do chasing squeakies up and down the Garden Room. I have a pair of boots: sorry, correction: two boots, one large and one small, that squeak, and Old Two Paws is very good at getting them to squeak as they fly through the air, which is exciting. I also have several synthetic, flavoured bones, that don’t squeak, but I enjoy chasing and gnawing them all the same. And I have an assortment of coloured balls and other bits and pieces, that are so dramatically changed in appearance, that I don’t remember what they were like in the first place.
At the same time, and though it is fun and games, OTP somehow manages to get himself a cup of tea, and make a bowl of porridge while I have lost my head. But I can be devious, and keep him on tenterhooks while he is eating. In a very clever way I go sniffing round and round the table, and then, in this corner and that, before sniffing my way around a corner, and out of sight. Then, and after he has had his breakfast, and with the bell ringing, it’s out into the garden on my retractable lead.
Yesterday, at this point, Old Two Paws was unsure, and studied me closely, fearing that something might be wrong. Usually he would throw a squeaky, and that would be enough to get me fired up. But yesterday I just wasn’t interested. But Old Two Paws knows that I can be quirky, because the man in the book says so, and that thought was enough to get him booting the squeakies all around the place, and at times with such agility! that in my excitement! I couldn’t tell whether I was coming or going.
Well, this is the point at which I go into my cage, a lot more willingly than I used to, and with a little bribe, and I rest there for two and a half hours. I do the same thing again in the afternoon, and recently I heard Old Two Paws say, that he is going to add an extra half hour, so it will be three hours Max! Then, he says, that if I am well behaved and coping well with my separation anxiety, I may only need to go into the cage once a day, and just long enough to remind me that it is there for a purpose.
The other day, Saturday it was, I was out for my third walk and the traffic was a bit scary, even on the quiet road. That said, myself and Old Two Paws got to the end of the road, and when we looked back down the hill, I felt really silly. Only a few days ago I had rebuked Anna Chretien, telling her that she should have known that there are no hills in Norfolk.
On the way home, a car, coming very slowly, stopped. Then, a man with his head sticking out the window said what a lovely dog I was, and that they had a dog, (not a COCKAPOO,) the same colour as me. Old Two Paws then explained that while in the past they, (Lady Two Paws and himself,) had had rescued dogs, I was their first puppy.
“Worse than bringing up children.” The man said.
“I can’t remember that far back,” said Old Two Paws.
And when we were practising running home, OTP said to me: “They were a nice couple, but I think he is a bit of a Job’s comforter!”
__________
© Cormac E McCloskey


COMAC SAYS: When I was in my cage, stretched out and dreaming, I asked Old Two Paws to tell me about other animals. “Well,” he said, after a pause, “I think I would like to tell you about a Donkey, a Lamb, a Tyger, and the funniest thing of all, an Owl and a Pussy-cat that got married.” The story about the Donkey, Old Two Paws said, is told by a man who has been around for a very long time: Anonymous! When he first saw a donkey it looked so ridiculous that he felt sorry for it, and hoped that when it grew up, people would be kind to it. And when I heard the story, even I was crying:
“I saw a donkey one day old,
His head was to big for his neck to hold;
His legs were shaky, and long, and loose.
They rocked, and staggered, and weren’t much use.”
As Old Two Paws told it to me, the story of The Lamb is lovely; and apparently, at the time when William Blake was writing about lambs and tigers, people thought that he was a bit odd. If they could only have known the truth. For according to Old Two Paws, he was a genius, an artist, engraver and poet. And what made him exceptional, was that he was an intellectual like me. But he was also deeply religious, and a philosopher. So he had insights that other people didn’t have. And in the way he tells the story of The Lamb, you can see how imaginative he was. Amazingly he talks to the Lamb, asking questions, dropping hints, and only tells the Lamb the answer at the very end, and in such a gentle and profound way:
“Little Lamb who mdse thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life and bid the feed.
By the streams and o’er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing woolly bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice!
Little Lamb who made thee
Dost thou know who made thee.
“Little Lamb I’ll tell thee . . .”
__________
Now when it comes to Tyger Tyger, we can see how insightful William Blake. was. As Old Two Paws explained, it is a metaphor: powerful, beautiful, but sinister. Sinister, because William is disturbed by the industry monster that is growing up around him, and changing society in a dehumanising way. It has nothing to do with the tiger that you can see in the zoo. And what I especially like is that bit where you can feel the energy, power, and relentless force of the smithy, turning, twisting, and bending things to its will:
“And what shoulder & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? and what dread feet.
“What the hammer? what the chain,
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil ? what dread grasp,
Dare its deadly terrors clasp!”
And being the genius that he was, Old Two Paws admires the way that Blake throws down the gauntlet at the very end, and brings both stories together:
“Did he who made the Lamb make thee?"
Now Old Two Paws thinks that it is very important, before I get going in life, to understand that it is not a good idea to be intellectual, all the time. “You have to have some adventure and frivolity in your life,” he said, “which is why I want you to hear this next story.“ It is about an Owl and a Pussy-cat who set off on an adventure with no real idea of where they were going and how it might end. But they fall in love and wanted to get married, and got in a panic. “O what shall we do for a ring?” they cried. But they needn’t have worried, because lots of animals round about, dying for an excuse to celebrate, came to the rescue, (including a Turkey,) that for some reason or other, lived on a hill!
Well, I am so grateful for Old Two Paws good advice. Listen to this:
“They dined on mince, and slices of quince
While they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon.”
__________
© Cormac E McCloskey


CORMAC SAYS: Bad news I’m afraid. Old Two Paws wants his computer back so this will be the last blog from me for a while. Old Two Paws says that there are just not enough hours in the day, which is why he has been trying, unsuccessfully, to get up a 6 o’clock; and now that I am getting him up at 6, he tells me that he is doing less than ever. So I’m afraid I just have to give way.
As you know I’m a COCKAPOO, which I think is the American way of spelling. On the paperwork that came with me, Angela said that I was a COCKERPOO. As for the word itself, it hints at the fact that I am a cross between a cocker spaniel and a poodle: “fifth generation” according to the paperwork. So dogs like me are, I think, just a generation away from being recognised as a breed.
Before I get to the legal stuff, let me tell you of the nice things that Angela and J had to say on their paperwork. They said that I grew up in a reassuring family environment, in which I got used to young children, the TV and the hoover. But, they couldn’t say for sure that I liked the hoover. They also said that I could, for a small fee, come back to them for a holiday, rather than being kennelled; something they are willing to do for all their puppies. And in the sad event, (I can’t bare to think of it,) that I need a new home, they have asked Lady Two Paws and Old Two Paws to allow me to come to them, for they are more likely to know of a good home where I could go. And such is their love and concern for me, that they say they are only a phone call away, (day or night!) and they have asked LTP and OTP to remember that I am, “a living creature and companion.”
The legal stuff is what you would expect, a common sense contract that safeguards everyone’s interests. In it, Lady and Old Two Paws, would have had their money back, in full, if the vet, within 7 days, said that there was something seriously wrong with me.
Well, when I read through my dad Stanley’s papers, I realised just how careful Angela and J had been. Dad was tested for possible genetic defects and was given the all clear for “PAR” (Progressive Retinal Atrophy), and “vWD” (van Willerbrand Disease) and several other things as well. So besides being “scary smart,” I am so well made that I should be around for a long time. That said, Old Two Paws worries. He says that my lovely wavy coat is deceitful, that underneath I am quite small, and my feet worryingly delicate.
That didn’t stop me from going on a different walk yesterday, though the traffic is still a bit scary. I like to keep an eye on the cars as they come along, and I am especially pleased when they go away.
Today, myself and Old Two Paws are going on the same walk, and we will meet Lady Two Paws (who is coming by car,) at the pumping station. Together, we will go for a walk along by the river, and around the park.
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© Cormac E McCloskey

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